on the 39th floor (some notes on the crisis)

memo

date: 17th july, 2006

from: Kofi, head teacher on the east side

to: the school board

friends,

i've tried everything short of taking action

why can't they all just get along?

was i the only one that thought we'd sorted out these fights in the school yard?

things have gotten so much worse these last few days, and i fear a long hot summer lies ahead - with classes now over, and nothing else to occupy the children's time, there seems no hope that they'll do anything but continue throwing stones and wreaking havoc all over the sandbox

am i the only one that thinks this could spread to the whole yard?

the girls, as always, are coming out the worst

i must say, Izzy seems to be over-reacting

i can't condone Paulie and Leb stealing his toy soldiers, and Leb is really making things worse with this wild stone throwing (his arm being much stronger this time round, his stones reaching much farther in to Izzy's part of the yard), but Izzy... well, Izzy is behaving like a kid that got stung by a bee, had an allergic reaction and missed his nap time

(that’s generally his demeanour, come to think of it… i must remember that for the next pta meeting)

if only the head boy's family would pay their school fees - we might then be able to afford a school councillor, which Izzy so clearly needs to attend

but that's just pie in the sky, no point in dwelling on impossibilities

(and anyway, i sometimes suspect the head boy is encouraging this acting out that we're seeing in Izzy, but i just can't put my finger on why this would be the case - perhaps i should ask him... no, perish the thought)

oh dear oh dear, Izzy and Leb are going at it hammer and thongs, even as i write you this note!

there are girls lying everywhere, oh the humanity!

indeed, friends, there are times when i wish we could just get rid of that cursed sand box altogether

but that would just be playing to the likes of Ira - who's note in the suggestion box last term (regarding the same) i've just decided to ignore out of hand

and besides, if we got rid of the sand box, one bully would be happy, another would be forced to move somewhere else and would likely behave in the same unruly manner, tormenting the girls in some other part of the yard

and since it's mostly the girls that play in the sand box - well, friends, you see my problem

am i the only one that's regretting Izzy being given a place in school?

things really are getting out of hand

the head boy's family - and indeed the family of Megale B, of Pythean lineage, you know who i mean - well, they're sending cars to bring some of the younger kids home from school early

such is the direness of our situation

where did it all go wrong?

am i the only one that didn't see this coming?

we tried to be liberal - though not as liberal as that crazy school that some of Megale B's kids attend (back where they come from, you see)

oh, what's its name?

the one where the kids make the rules... (i've even heard tell they're free to bathe naked in the outdoor swimming pool - the thought makes my head swell, in confusion)

no no, nothing like that

we're more akin to that one where the Dark Ages took place – i’m sure you’ve heard of the idea: do anything, so long as you don't hurt others and are respecting yourself too

but jeez, just look at the state of my school yard!

anyway, you'll be glad to know i'm sending a strong message down to the yard, (needless to say i'm not leaving my office - it's much easier to observe up here on the 39th floor)

just this morning i've sent my secretary down to tell Izzy, Paul and Leb the following:

"boys, be careful! you really need to watch where those stones are ending up - girls are getting hurt and we just can't have that, we won't stand for it... so, when you're throwing stones, make sure you hit only the boys involved in your dispute... try to limit your attacks to "narrow targets" of strategic importance to gaining control of the yard - swings and the likes - and please please please try to avoid hitting the girls..."

members of the school board, i have absolutely no idea what i'll do if my message is ignored

i know i should really be asking them to just stop, but i also know they won't, until someone wins or they get tired and have to go home for tea

so, you must understand, the message sent from my office this morning confirms to all the parents that i'm a caring head teacher, but also avoids the almost certain embarrassment that would follow, were i to ask the children to stop fighting, and then be completely ignored, as has happened so often in the past

if anyone has any further suggestions on how to proceed, please respond as soon as your summer schedule allows

i will of course keep you abreast of developments, and may try sending another message to Izzy, Paulie and Leb later today

but i fear this situation is far beyond my realm of influence

boys, after all, will be boys

yours, etc

kofi