on the 39th floor (some notes on the crisis)

memo

date: 17th july, 2006

from: Kofi, head teacher on the east side

to: the school board

friends,

i've tried everything short of taking action

why can't they all just get along?

was i the only one that thought we'd sorted out these fights in the school yard?

things have gotten so much worse these last few days, and i fear a long hot summer lies ahead - with classes now over, and nothing else to occupy the children's time, there seems no hope that they'll do anything but continue throwing stones and wreaking havoc all over the sandbox

am i the only one that thinks this could spread to the whole yard?

the girls, as always, are coming out the worst

i must say, Izzy seems to be over-reacting

i can't condone Paulie and Leb stealing his toy soldiers, and Leb is really making things worse with this wild stone throwing (his arm being much stronger this time round, his stones reaching much farther in to Izzy's part of the yard), but Izzy... well, Izzy is behaving like a kid that got stung by a bee, had an allergic reaction and missed his nap time

(that’s generally his demeanour, come to think of it… i must remember that for the next pta meeting)

if only the head boy's family would pay their school fees - we might then be able to afford a school councillor, which Izzy so clearly needs to attend

but that's just pie in the sky, no point in dwelling on impossibilities

(and anyway, i sometimes suspect the head boy is encouraging this acting out that we're seeing in Izzy, but i just can't put my finger on why this would be the case - perhaps i should ask him... no, perish the thought)

oh dear oh dear, Izzy and Leb are going at it hammer and thongs, even as i write you this note!

there are girls lying everywhere, oh the humanity!

indeed, friends, there are times when i wish we could just get rid of that cursed sand box altogether

but that would just be playing to the likes of Ira - who's note in the suggestion box last term (regarding the same) i've just decided to ignore out of hand

and besides, if we got rid of the sand box, one bully would be happy, another would be forced to move somewhere else and would likely behave in the same unruly manner, tormenting the girls in some other part of the yard

and since it's mostly the girls that play in the sand box - well, friends, you see my problem

am i the only one that's regretting Izzy being given a place in school?

things really are getting out of hand

the head boy's family - and indeed the family of Megale B, of Pythean lineage, you know who i mean - well, they're sending cars to bring some of the younger kids home from school early

such is the direness of our situation

where did it all go wrong?

am i the only one that didn't see this coming?

we tried to be liberal - though not as liberal as that crazy school that some of Megale B's kids attend (back where they come from, you see)

oh, what's its name?

the one where the kids make the rules... (i've even heard tell they're free to bathe naked in the outdoor swimming pool - the thought makes my head swell, in confusion)

no no, nothing like that

we're more akin to that one where the Dark Ages took place – i’m sure you’ve heard of the idea: do anything, so long as you don't hurt others and are respecting yourself too

but jeez, just look at the state of my school yard!

anyway, you'll be glad to know i'm sending a strong message down to the yard, (needless to say i'm not leaving my office - it's much easier to observe up here on the 39th floor)

just this morning i've sent my secretary down to tell Izzy, Paul and Leb the following:

"boys, be careful! you really need to watch where those stones are ending up - girls are getting hurt and we just can't have that, we won't stand for it... so, when you're throwing stones, make sure you hit only the boys involved in your dispute... try to limit your attacks to "narrow targets" of strategic importance to gaining control of the yard - swings and the likes - and please please please try to avoid hitting the girls..."

members of the school board, i have absolutely no idea what i'll do if my message is ignored

i know i should really be asking them to just stop, but i also know they won't, until someone wins or they get tired and have to go home for tea

so, you must understand, the message sent from my office this morning confirms to all the parents that i'm a caring head teacher, but also avoids the almost certain embarrassment that would follow, were i to ask the children to stop fighting, and then be completely ignored, as has happened so often in the past

if anyone has any further suggestions on how to proceed, please respond as soon as your summer schedule allows

i will of course keep you abreast of developments, and may try sending another message to Izzy, Paulie and Leb later today

but i fear this situation is far beyond my realm of influence

boys, after all, will be boys

yours, etc

kofi

on eastern toy soldiers

an ugly situation is festering in the eastern part of town

its history, like all histories, is long, complicated and littered with the crimes and misdemeanours of all concerned

the latter is an inarguable truth, assuming of course that you're approaching this history as an objective journalist, rather than a protagonist

if you are a protagonist though, you're not likely to be reading this, nor are you likely to be concerned with the finer points of justice and morality

you're probably too busy kicking sand in your enemy's eye, spitting in his lunch and stealing his toy soldiers to worry about such matters

for justice, morality, ethics... hell, let's use a phrase for convenience - ALL THOSE THINGS THAT MAKE US HUMAN AND DIFFERENTIATE US FROM BEASTS - they're all put on hold when the possession of toy soldiers or rights to the sandbox are at stake

the following dispatch has been sent to us by Ginsey, our correspondent in the east side of town

he is currently holed up in a hotel - in room1004, of course - overlooking the theatre of operations; a small schoolyard, with a sandbox, some swings and the like, and a few grubby little boys playing war

* * *

False history gets made all day, any day,
the truth of the new is never on the news
(Adrienne Rich)

life in the schoolyard had been relatively quiet, these last few weeks

there were the inevitable skirmishes one expects in that part of town; name-calling, fist-waving and arguments about the rules of schoolyard games... (more specifically, the chronic old dispute about who has or hasn't the right to play in certain areas of the yard still persists - this is perhaps the underlying issue, but it's often quite difficult to get a straight answer from children)

on occassion, the children's rough-housing has lead to the odd grazed knee or bloody nose

one particular instance that comes to mind was when the school bully, Izzy - who had recently been relatively well-behaved but still hovered about the yard like an intimidating and rabid dog - broke the peace of morning recess with an apparently unprovoked attack on a group of girls, paddling at the edge of the school paddling pool and enjoying the sunshine and some light refreshments

for no apparent reason, Izzy took to pitching large stones at the girls

when questioned, he first denied doing so, then apologised and finally said he wasn't quite sure how it happened and that he was probably aiming at someone else - the girls becoming involved was therefore "an unfortunate mistake but a near-certain result" of life in the schoolyard

mistake or not, 8 of the girls were so traumatised that they have yet to return to school

the head teacher, in fact, doesn't expect them ever to return

inexplicably, though, the head teacher took no action against Izzy on this occasion

the current “crisis” (oh those children with their funny little words) started with a daring but blatantly inflammatory manoeuvre by Paulie – a close friend and relative to most of the girls, (though there is some disagreement about whether Paulie's family are a unified body, and whether they all agree with things he does in their name… kids…)

Izzy was loitering in the schoolyard sandbox, lining up his toy soldiers and playing war, as usual

so engrossed was he in the act of lining up soldiers - provocatively, it must be said, in a part of the box where Paulie liked to play - that he failed to notice Paulie sneaking up behind him

and then came the sucker punch from the weak kid, catching the bully off-guard

while Izzy ran his toy tanks up and down the mini-dunes and made "ka-boom" and "peow-peow" sounds, (all the while flicking the odd pebble across the yard and casting furtive glances to see if the head teacher had his back turned, as usual), Paulie crept in from the rear, and pushed Izzy off balance

(it must be said that Izzy is much bigger and stronger than Paulie, so even with the element of surprise this was quite daring)

in the furore that followed, one of Izzy's toy tanks and two of his toy soldiers were trampled in to the sand

more significantly, Paulie managed to snatch one of Izzy's soldiers, unharmed, and retreat to the relative safety of his patch before Izzy could react

the reaction wasn't long in coming, however

Paulie had no sooner made it back to his side of the yard when Izzy's stones began to fall, with little regard for whether it was Paulie or his friends that got hit

many more girls fell, crying

Paulie, meanwhile, issued an ultimatum to Izzy and anyone that cared to listen

"give me back my soldiers and i'll give you back yours... oh, and while you're at it, get the fudge out of MY SANDBOX"

Izzy was in no mood to bargain though, and with stones continuing to fly overhead, he made his way in to Paulie's side of the yard for the first time in several school terms

Izzy stomped all over Paulie's toy soldiers, and one particularly large stone smashed Paulie's swing, the only one in that part of the yard

Paulie's actions now meant his friends had nothing to play on

he held firm in his resolve however – he wanted his toy soldier back at all costs (Izzy is said to have stolen hundreds over the years)

and so, for many days now, both morning and afternoon recesses have been marred with the trampling of toy soldiers and the pitching of stones

but since Izzy and Paulie generally make strategic attacks from the yard’s fringes, it's mostly the girls - innocently playing in the middle of the yard and contested sandbox - that have taken the brunt and suffered the most

dozens are not expected back at school

and Izzy still hasn't got his toy soldier back

* * *

HISTORY, n. An account mostly false, of events mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers mostly knaves, and soldiers mostly fools.
(Ambrose Bierce)

you may wonder where the head teacher is during all this

well, he's there on the yard alright, as always, but his hands are kinda tied

you see, this school is kinda run by the pupils

not by all of them - it's not a democracy, hell no - just by a small few, with rich daddies

the problem is, you see, the school is rotten to the core, and has been for a long time

the head teacher (the current one and all previous ones, since this school system was set up in 1945), is there at the whim of the more powerful, senior students, many of whom have no respect for the head teacher or his rulings

the head boy, for example, doesn't even pay his school fees anymore

he also ignores the system when its rules don't suit

the head teacher can't act on this, because, well, without a semblance of support from the head boy, no one would take him seriously

so the head teacher is in this weird situation – he can’t admit that the head boy is out of control and acting like a prig and essentially running the school, because then the head teacher would officially serve no purpose, and would surely be fired…

…he can’t discipline the head boy, because his family are too powerful, and kinda scary, too…

…without the head boy occasionally and publicly saying to the head teacher, “yes, sir, you’re the boss, i take you seriously”, the head teacher would be so embarrassed he’d be forced in to action that, well, he knows he doesn’t have the power or ability to take…

…so the head teacher smiles nervously on these occasions and says “good, i’m glad you know i’m the boss" – when really he knows the head boy has his balls in a guillotine…

...the head boy lets the head teacher stay in school, mainly so he can say “look, don't ask me, ask the head teacher”

it's a situation that suits the head boy well - he can appear fair and just and like he's towing the school line, when all the while he's free to side with whatever bully that looks like garnering him the most lunch money

and since the head boy gives the best dutch rubs and wedgies in the whole yard, the bullies are just delighted to fall in line

the head teacher, despite the best of intentions then, is actually omnipresent but, good lord, IMPOTENT!?!?!?

what new hell is this?

(by the way, the head boy, has a lot to answer for in this school yard dispute... for it was he and his friends that drew the lines in the sandbox that Izzy and Paulie are fighting over... in fact, it was he and his friends that sponsored Izzy's acceptance at school in the first place, insisting that there was in fact a vacancy in Paulie's class, when clearly there wasn't... it was something to do with their guilt over what happened Izzy's extended family, i think...)

* * *

The history of all times, and of today especially, teaches that women will be forgotten if they forget to think about themselves.
(Louise Otto)

so, where do we stand?

the school yard is a right old mess... there's blood and stones everywhere, and no one seems to be having fun anymore

Izzy is back on Paulie's turf, and it looks like he plans on staying there a while

to make matters worse, another of Izzy’s enemies (and no friend to Paulie either, it must be said, lord, it must be said), has snatched two more of Izzy's toy soldiers, causing a ruckus in an area of the yard that had been quiet since Izzy pulled out some 6 terms ago – but that’s a whole other story…

…shit's getting complicated, dear friends

several things should happen

others likely will

first up, the head teacher should grow a set of balls and start doing his job

he should bring the head boy to task and stop the latter's constant undermining of school authority

the head boy should start acting like one, and lead the way - ethically and morally - by setting a good example for younger students to follow

he should stop supplying Izzy with stones to throw, and stop feigning respectability while gorging himself on the proceeds of stolen lunch money

Paulie, for his part, needs to bite his tongue and remember that it's the girls that suffer most when he riles up Izzy

he might be sore about losing out in the sandbox, but Izzy's bigger and stronger and very few school yard disputes have ever been solved to the satisfaction of the little guy when he uses only his fists

he should try sit down with the head teacher

he should try sort something out

but then, that depends on the head teacher being in a position to act, which in turn depends on the head boy letting him act

which in turn means Paulie will likely continue to resort to his fists

which in turn…

what will likely happen is Izzy will continue to stomp around the sandbox for the next few weeks, indiscriminately cracking girls in the head, crushing Paulie's toy soldiers and losing more than a few of his own

the head teacher won't intervene, but may, if he's feeling brave, ask Izzy to stop and ask Paulie to give him back his toy

and, if past squabbles are anything to go by, Izzy will likely give Paulie back a few hundred of his toy soldiers in exchange for the sandbox-1

and after a few months and a bucket-load of broken toys, he'll slope back to his side of the sandbox, shaking his fist at the whole yard and grumbling that he was right all along, because the head boy said so, sort of

and before you know it, an uneasy quiet will likely return to the schoolyard

Izzy will be back lining up toy soldiers in the mini-dunes, making "ka-boom" and "peow-peow" sounds

Paulie will be in his little part of the yard, grumbling about how small it is compared to how big it was, before Izzy came to school

they'll both flick stones at each other, even though the head teacher is watching

but the swing probably won't get fixed for ages

and lots of girls won't come back to school

No harm's done to history by making it something someone would want to read.
David McCullough