on faith
bored and reading through the daily assault of forwards in your inbox, you log on to www.gingerkids.org
it's a mildly amusing tongue-in-cheek website masquerading as a support group that aims to achieve equality, understanding, tolerance, and acceptance for Ginger Kids all over the world
they call themselves the international ginger kids foundation, or IGKF
it won't losen too many kidneys but it killed a few minutes after an abortive interview
in the top right-hand corner of the page your attention is drawn to a google ad, which you first mistook for a link within the ginger kids site
Suicidal thoughts? Take this quick test for answers
you assume that this is a development of the statistic offered by IGKF that 10% of kids born with Gingervitis commit suicide by age 16
you wonder if this is in poor taste, and why you're still reading
the google link takes you to www.godtest.com
totally unrelated to IGKF, it hosts a simple yes/no survey that leads you through some questions about your views and beliefs
the god testers ask that you consider each question thoughtfully and answer as honestly as you can
you decide that you will
the first question, do you believe in god? draws a negative click from your right hand, since you assume that the god in question is a christian one, or something similar, and bears little resemblance to your own beliefs on who (or rather what) He is
you're then guided through questions along the lines of who do you think jesus was? and how do you know?
when asked Can you say YES to these questions?, on balance, and given a tally of 4 (or possibly 5) out of 5, you decide to answer no
1. Are you a sinner?
2. Do you want forgiveness of your sins?
3. Do you believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross for you and rose again?
4. Are you willing to surrender your life to Jesus Christ?
5. Are you ready to invite Jesus Christ into your life and heart?
having presumably damned your eternal soul to hell, you're asked to CLICK WHY YOU SAID 'NO'
I Do Not Believe in God.
A Christian hurt me.
I'm not good enough.
Some other time.
The gospel's not fair.
I'm a good person.
I'm Jewish.
There are many paths to God.I tried it and it didn't work out.
I can't be forgiven.
feeling that a self-deprecating response was only fair - given the guilt instilled by many years of schooling (weekdays and sundays) - you chose option number three, i'm not good enough
Dear Friend,
You've figured out a major truth; you are not good enough to have a relationship with God, but then neither am I. No one is.
revelations 06.03.06
things get really inneressin when the god testers ask you to choose between a number of interpretations from scripture
For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. (John 3:16)
The Scripture means:
I will not perish if I believe in Jesus.
I'm doomed.
again, you imagine that since you and the god tester are probably talking about different gods, and given that the obvious meaning of the scripture (if it's true) means you're in serious fucking trouble, you grit your teeth and click i'm doomed
Please re-read and answer the question again
isn't it nice to know that are right and wrong answers in matters of faith?
and here was you, with a degree in philosophy and a shitload of books on theology read, considered and stored in an albeit dusty part of the brain, thinking that maybe this was a complicated issue that you'd spend the guts of your life figuring out
if only you'd taken the godtest all those years ago
you could have saved yourself so much bother, and maybe done that degree in business economics and social studies
all those questions you struggled with, all those intractable essay questions that kept you up for nights on end, nerves frayed and system gone toxic with coffee
if you'd taken the godtest, you could have cleared it all up by navigating a few short pages of html
if you get it wrong, if you answer the wrong way, you just click back on the browser and try again
eventually, your faith will be unshakeably restored
unless, of course, you click that fantastic little x at the top right-hand corner of your screen, and let the godtesters, with their narrow-minded, obscenely arrogant, backward and outdated view of the role of faith in your world, go fuck themselves
it's a mildly amusing tongue-in-cheek website masquerading as a support group that aims to achieve equality, understanding, tolerance, and acceptance for Ginger Kids all over the world
they call themselves the international ginger kids foundation, or IGKF
it won't losen too many kidneys but it killed a few minutes after an abortive interview
in the top right-hand corner of the page your attention is drawn to a google ad, which you first mistook for a link within the ginger kids site
Suicidal thoughts? Take this quick test for answers
you assume that this is a development of the statistic offered by IGKF that 10% of kids born with Gingervitis commit suicide by age 16
you wonder if this is in poor taste, and why you're still reading
the google link takes you to www.godtest.com
totally unrelated to IGKF, it hosts a simple yes/no survey that leads you through some questions about your views and beliefs
the god testers ask that you consider each question thoughtfully and answer as honestly as you can
you decide that you will
the first question, do you believe in god? draws a negative click from your right hand, since you assume that the god in question is a christian one, or something similar, and bears little resemblance to your own beliefs on who (or rather what) He is
you're then guided through questions along the lines of who do you think jesus was? and how do you know?
when asked Can you say YES to these questions?, on balance, and given a tally of 4 (or possibly 5) out of 5, you decide to answer no
1. Are you a sinner?
2. Do you want forgiveness of your sins?
3. Do you believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross for you and rose again?
4. Are you willing to surrender your life to Jesus Christ?
5. Are you ready to invite Jesus Christ into your life and heart?
having presumably damned your eternal soul to hell, you're asked to CLICK WHY YOU SAID 'NO'
I Do Not Believe in God.
A Christian hurt me.
I'm not good enough.
Some other time.
The gospel's not fair.
I'm a good person.
I'm Jewish.
There are many paths to God.I tried it and it didn't work out.
I can't be forgiven.
feeling that a self-deprecating response was only fair - given the guilt instilled by many years of schooling (weekdays and sundays) - you chose option number three, i'm not good enough
Dear Friend,
You've figured out a major truth; you are not good enough to have a relationship with God, but then neither am I. No one is.
revelations 06.03.06
things get really inneressin when the god testers ask you to choose between a number of interpretations from scripture
For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. (John 3:16)
The Scripture means:
I will not perish if I believe in Jesus.
I'm doomed.
again, you imagine that since you and the god tester are probably talking about different gods, and given that the obvious meaning of the scripture (if it's true) means you're in serious fucking trouble, you grit your teeth and click i'm doomed
Please re-read and answer the question again
isn't it nice to know that are right and wrong answers in matters of faith?
and here was you, with a degree in philosophy and a shitload of books on theology read, considered and stored in an albeit dusty part of the brain, thinking that maybe this was a complicated issue that you'd spend the guts of your life figuring out
if only you'd taken the godtest all those years ago
you could have saved yourself so much bother, and maybe done that degree in business economics and social studies
all those questions you struggled with, all those intractable essay questions that kept you up for nights on end, nerves frayed and system gone toxic with coffee
if you'd taken the godtest, you could have cleared it all up by navigating a few short pages of html
if you get it wrong, if you answer the wrong way, you just click back on the browser and try again
eventually, your faith will be unshakeably restored
unless, of course, you click that fantastic little x at the top right-hand corner of your screen, and let the godtesters, with their narrow-minded, obscenely arrogant, backward and outdated view of the role of faith in your world, go fuck themselves
posted by Tony at 5:02 p.m.
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