on journalism (sans shorthand)

tomorrow at 10.20am, you will have failed the third exam of your academic life and the second that actually counts towards an overall grade

the first you failed was a 5th year "christmas test" in physics
(St. Mary's C.B.S.)

the second was a first year english paper that you just didn't go to
(TCD)

the third, it seems, will be shorthand
(D.I.T. Aungier St.)

funny though, the prospect of imminent failure doesn't make you feel any less of a journalist (or fledgling one at least)

which is not to say that you don't value shorthand as a skill and you're not out to diss the module

it's just not a skill that is or ever likely will be of value to you

because you're studying journalism for very specific reasons

and these reasons are based on certain things that you believe

you have an unshakeable (albeit sadly anachronistic) view of the role newspapers should play in our society

An institution that should always fight for progress and reform, never tolerate injustice or corruption, always fight demagogues of all parties, never belong to any party, always oppose privileged classes and public plunderers, never lack sympathy with the poor, always remain devoted to the public welfare, never be satisfied with merely printing news, always be drastically independent, never be afraid to attack wrong, whether by predatory plutocracy or predatory poverty.

Joseph Pulitzer wrote that in his first editorial as editor of New York World in 1883

it's recreated on a bronze plaque that's nailed to the wall of the New York Times building

if there'd been a line in Pulitzer's editorial along the lines of, "and that all employees shall have the ability to take accurate notes at press conferences", maybe you'd be more concerned

and he was writing in the days before dictaphones too

and long before Gonzo journalism, for which accuracy is about as important as

structure

you might sound arrogant, but you know where you're going and if you can't get there in a way that you believe in you'll just pick a different destination

you're not willing to be conventional for the sake of now

you're not willing to compromise for the sake of "success"

you said before that you'd rather work in a laundrette than file a story about one burning down

you honestly meant it

you believe in journalism, but in a higher sense, beyond the mundane

you believe in what it can achieve, in the importance and necessity of honest, fearless journalism being written if we're ever gonna solve our problems

you know you've not done yourself justice on that front these last three months

but you just can't motivate yourself to work hard at elements of a profession that don't really matter to you

you're gonna have problems, kiddo

you were so pissed off by the manner in which your interview in DCU was conducted, you went directly to a tattoo parlour in town and had the Gonzo fist carved in to your right wrist in black ink

you decided that from that point on, you wouldn't let anything deflect you from the path you'd decided to take

you knew if you failed to get in to the course, you could always look at your wrist and remember the goals you'd set yourself and the reasons to keep writing, regardless

you were offered a place in DCU and took real pleasure in turning it down

so your tattoo worked

it's a constant reminder

it's a personal tribute to the man that inspired you to write

it's also a fitting symbol to live by for someone starting out in a profession that's had its balls cut off

throw a punch the right way and you won't break your hand

your thumb, if properly locked, will support the knuckles of the first and second finger

the knuckle of the third finger usually won't make contact

the knuckle of the fourth is most vulnerable

get the angle of attack wrong and you'll dislocate your fourth knuckle, the trapezium

you'll crack it if too, if you're unlucky, which can leave it appearing flat and feeling stiff for the rest of your life

you'll almost definitely break the scaphoid, the bone in your hand that runs from the base of the trapezium to the radius at the start of your wrist

it's something that's known informally in A&E rooms on a saturday night as a "boxer's fracture"

and it hurts like hell

the Gonzo fist, which sits on top of a dagger, has two thumbs

it's at once a classic symbol of resistance (the clenched fist, raised in defiance) and a symbol of strength

throw a punch with a Gonzo fist and you're not likely to be the one going to A&E

* * * *

it seems strange that something this irrelevant to your goals might lead to you failing your masters, or at least blowing any chance of a first out of the water

still, you can't help your attitude

your tattoo hasn't gone anywhere, and never will

* * * *

you look down at the keyboard and decide that 26 letters, 10 digits and a half dozen or so punctuation marks will do fine for what you have in mind

if you can master just these in your life, you'll be happy